Rest

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly." (Matthew 11:28-30)

That’s what Jesus said to me today. And I replied, "What rest? What is that?" Oh, I know what rest is. I’ve been "resting" since April, technically. I don’t look at the clock, I don’t have to be somewhere from 8 to 5, I don’t have to get up for anything at all. The only things I do now are things I say yes to, all of them a one-time-handshake kind of thing (and no, nothing illegal, although the way I described it here seems to sound like it is!).

But what is rest? I’ve been "resting" so much that I feel useless, slothful. If this is rest, I’d rather be at work. And yet, Jesus told me today to come to Him, and He will give me rest. It’s funny He should ask. Almost like He knows something I don’t — which He probably does. 

I like that, when He said "Learn the unforced rhythms of grace." In the world I grew up in, you either force the rhythm, or you end up marching to someone else’s beat, or else watch the world go by and leave you in the dust. But grace. Well, that’s a different story.

Someday, I should take Jesus up on that offer. 

Pacman Wins!

Congrats, Pacman!  

MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Manny Pacquiao gave the home fans plenty to cheer about Sunday, battering Mexico’s Oscar Larios to claim a unanimous decision and retain his WBC International super featherweight title.

In the same arena where Joe Frazier and Muhammed Ali slugged it out in the "Thrilla in Manila" 31 years ago, the 27-year-old Pacquiao constantly showed off his speed and power in the 12-rounder, knocking down Larios twice while raising his record to 42-3-2.

(more…)

Re-acquainting Myself with My Flute

I took out my flute after months and months of not even looking at it. I brought it all the way to Bangladesh and Singapore, where I was flagged down by these airport X-Ray guys and asked to explain what the heck was in that case which looked like a gun’s containing an object broken down in three pieces much like a weapon in storage, and most of all shiny and metallic. All that hassle, and I got it back to Manila undisturbed.

Now I open the case to see if I can cough out a few notes to jam along with this instrumental mp3 of Somewhere Over The Rainbow, to surprise Micah who once woke me up with a trumpet rendition of that song. I like that song, actually. And Micah’s trumpet never fails to waken me, with a smile I should add (can you imagine a trumpet blasting in your ear through a cellphone at 7am after having slept at 2am?). I suspect even if he’s playing a lullaby I would be wide awake afterwards.

So I thought I’d learn to duet with the instrumental’s violin melody. But no. I think it’s in the key of too-many-sharps, and I gave up too easily. Next up, Amazing Grace. Ahhh, that one I think I could play along with. I click it on iTunes and…

Success! The instrumental was beautiful (and in the key of no-sharps-and-no-flats, which is even more beautiful). A short two-and-a-half minutes of beautiful music. I can’t play the flute well, but playing with that mp3 made me feel like I was the best flutist in the world (or in the room — which is a small room, I should say). 

It made me feel the words of that song in ways I couldn’t when I was just playing it as an accompanist. Something about playing the melody makes you want to sing from the inside out. Makes you want to burst from your lungs to your nose. I don’t know what it is, but it’s something. It must be a great feeling to be a soloist, a melody-maker, a pied piper. And for that brief two and a half minutes, I was one of them.

Ayn Rand

I love Ayn Rand! My favorite novelist of the moment. Hindi ata nauubusan ng salita itong babaeng ito dahil isang katerbang pages ang laman ng libro niya. I’ve read The Fountainhead, which opened my eyes to Ayn Rand’s world and got me interested. Now I’m reading Atlas Shrugged, which I’m loving just the same.

I read her with the same love for the world she creates as I give Margaret Atwood’s and George Orwell’s worlds. I like these futuristic novels that might as well be talking of the present, or could be talking of the past, even. Nothing Matrix-y about them, no black leather and shiny silver metallic surfaces. More Blade Runner, if you ask me. But very right on target.

And Ayn Rand’s love stories…! I’m amazed how she’s able to make a finely wrouhgt love story in the midst of her head-on discussion about her Objectivism.

Ayn Rand’s characters are so real to me already within the first few pages, that by the middle of the 1,000+ page novel, I’m already hurting with them. I actually have to skip some paragraphs because it was becoming too painful to read.

"If you want my advice, Peter," he said at last, "you’ve made a mistake already. By asking me. By asking anyone. Never ask people. Not about your work. Don’t you know what you want? How can you stand it, not to know?"

- Howard Roark
(The Fountainhead Chapter 1, pg. 33)

My last post was on March 9?!

Aba! Makes me wonder where I’ve been.

To Leyte and Back on a Delica

Spent the last week mostly on my butt in a van travelling to Leyte and back. Was part of the FERDS team (the community development arm of Far East Broadcasting Company) that brought relief goods and trauma counselling to the evacuees and survivors of the St. Bernard mudslide. And no, I wasn’t a counselor (baka lalong ma-trauma ang mga tao!), I was of course behind the camera as usual.

It was a first for many things: first time on the RORO, first time to travel that distance by land (two days, one-way!), first time to be away from home for what seemed longer than a week. And the journey wasn’t without mishaps: both our vans had problems. Papunta palang nagpalit na kami ng belt nung isa. Pauwi naman, yung isa tinopak ang radiator and we had to water it every two hours or so. Yung isang van naman, nagka-problema sa electrical. We had several stops beside the highway on top of the mountain, with nothing but stretches of rice paddies dotted with coconut trees in sight.

But God was indeed gracious to us, and He protected us all throughout the journey. We were able to deliver the goods He sent us to bring. We also brought encouragement to weary Christian workers there who chose to be frontliners in the ministry to the evacuees and survivors who are now camped out in public schools. We were also able to evaluate the situation firsthand, which will pave the way for a second trip. And hopefully the video we have captured will be enough to inspire more people to help alongside with us.

You might be thinking we came a bit late. The truth is, in such crises, we came at just the right time, when the work is just beginning. Sabi ni Ninang Minggy, ang head ng FERDS na nag-coordinate sa aming team of volunteers, ito talaga ang style nila, ‘yung hindi makigulo immediately, but to survey the situation first and provide steady support especially when the excitement starts to wane.

Yung unang dagsa, maraming relief na darating from all over the world. Maraming media attention. Maraming pledges, heightened ang interest, mataas ang emotional involvement. But when the dust settles, what is left is the people who are still grappling with the reality that life must go on. And when their plastic bag of groceries and second hand clothes and mismatched plates and saucers are packed up with their hopes of an uncertain future, that’s when the rebuilding begins, and that’s when the work begins anew.

Kadalasan hindi na nare-report sa diyaryo o sa TV ang ganitong phase, and we will tend to think they’re doing fine by now, and go on with our preoccupation with our politics and our daily routines. Pero para sa mga taga-St. Bernard, the re-building of their community and their lives is an enormous undertaking that needs support from us. Hindi man kasing exciting i-report sa media, e eto pa rin ang kanilang realidad.

A Psalm

All I can say today is, thank You Lord for the psalmist’s words, when I don’t have words of my own.

Psalm 27 

1
    The LORD is my light and my salvation–
       so why should I be afraid?
    The LORD protects me from danger–
       so why should I tremble?

    2
    When evil people come to destroy me,
       when my enemies and foes attack me,
       they will stumble and fall.

    3
    Though a mighty army surrounds me,
       my heart will know no fear.
    Even if they attack me,
       I remain confident.

    4
    The one thing I ask of the LORD–
       the thing I seek most–
    is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
       delighting in the LORD’s perfections
       and meditating in his Temple.

    5
    For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
       he will hide me in his sanctuary.
       He will place me out of reach on a high rock.

    6
    Then I will hold my head high,
       above my enemies who surround me.
    At his Tabernacle I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
       singing and praising the LORD with music.

    7
    Listen to my pleading, O LORD.
       Be merciful and answer me!

    8
    My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me."
       And my heart responds, "LORD, I am coming."

    9
    Do not hide yourself from me.
       Do not reject your servant in anger.
       You have always been my helper.
    Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,
       O God of my salvation!

    10
    Even if my father and mother abandon me,
       the LORD will hold me close.

    11
    Teach me how to live, O LORD.
       Lead me along the path of honesty,
       for my enemies are waiting for me to fall.

    12
    Do not let me fall into their hands.
       For they accuse me of things I’ve never done
       and breathe out violence against me.

    13
    Yet I am confident that I will see the LORD’s goodness
       while I am here in the land of the living.

    14
    Wait patiently for the LORD.
       Be brave and courageous.
       Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

…

Masyado akong maraming iniisip pag nasa bahay ako, nakaharap sa computer, kausap ang wala.

I should get out and shake this colds-and-fever off and do something, anything, and refocus my fuzzy eyesight towards the Light.

Sawi sa Wowowee

I’m sure everyone’s in a state of disbelief at the news: 71 dead, hundreds injured in a stampede that was the first anniversary of ABS-CBN’s Wowowee last Saturday. There’s so much finger-pointing right now, passing the blame from one agency to another, because at the end of the day, no one wants to be responsibile for the 50,000 people lined up outside Ultra, and those that died, and those that lived to weep their dead.

I don’t even know what to say, or who to blame. My first instinct is to blame ABS-CBN: after all, they’re the ones who have money. They should dole a chunk of it out for these poor people that they lured in by dangling an instant ticket out of poverty in front of their faces.

So yes, I’m still going to be blaming them for now. Especially as the fact-finding commission is turning up with reports that ABS-CBN didn’t provide ample security for the crowds.

Shame on ABS-CBN. 

My Depressed Molly

It’s confirmed! According to Xands, Joey’s wife and officially our family vet, Molly did go through depression when Ate Jones left. I described the symptoms to Dr. Xands: loss of appetite, sluggishness (although you know, this isn’t really so out of the ordinary at all… but she was even more sluggish than usual). Di niya nga kami pinapansin pag dumadaan kami sa hagdan, sinusundan lang ng tingin, walang pakialam. On a good day, she would ambush us from behind the santan as we walked by, or reach out her paw at the last second to swipe our legs, or follow us to the laundry room or the garage and play with the lizards and flying cockroaches (until they all learned to recognize her as the terror of the laundry room and went scrawling up the walls whenever she came near). Molly liked to keep us company, I always think.

But when Ate Jones left, so did our feisty Molly. She lost weight, too. She only came back to her old self a few days ago, with a regained appetite, and a newfound playfulness.  I suspect she still wonders about Ate Jones, who was the one who always fed her (stuffed her is more like it). But we try to make it up to her by giving her new toys (like Turty, the inflatable purple Turtle that’s as big as her, and a rubber ball tied to a long tail of ribbon, and a new pillow without any loud colors, because she hated her previous shocking red one, and a new food and water bowl). I know, we can’t keep shoving toys at her to fill the void. But don’t we always do that to ourselves and each other? Haha

Well, now. We have a new someone who does the laundry for us once a week, Edith. But Molly never follows her to the laundry.

Fluting Away

I’ve been asking all my musician friends lately which instrument to learn next: Oboe, Clarinet, or Flute. I was discouraged to play the oboe (double reed, medyo mahirap ata). The clarinet was my next choice, but I’ve been teeter-tottering over it. One clarinetist friend said it was harder to play than the flute (which was refuted by the flutist), and another said there’s not many popular venues in which to play it (aside from an orchestra), but that really didn’t dampen my enthusiasm. I’ve kinda developed a soft spot for the clarinet, probably because it was beginning to sound like an underdog in the woodwind world, but also because it was a new sound for me. It certainly isn’t an instrument you hear everyday. And wouldn’t it be great to make new sounds after years of piano and a year of bass guitar?

Then Nikki lends me her flute for the week, and shows me in 2 seconds how to assemble the thing, play the F scale, disassemble it, clean the insides, and plunk it back into the case. I ask her weakly, "May fingering chart ka ba?" To which she replied with an if-you-find-one-can-you-print-one-for-me-too smile, "Wala eh."

So I surf the internet high and low for fingering charts, care instructions, and breathing tips. I painstakingly PrintScreen and Ctrl+V and resize the Flash images of the notes (one image per note!) onto MS Word. Those of you who understand that process know how painstaking it is. But every painstaking bit of it was borne of some sort of desperate passion that here, at last, after days, weeks of dreaming about it, I finally get to play something, any of the three.

So I print my finely laid out fingering chart and put it in my clear book, and proceed to find a spot for myself. I toothbrush, then gargle some mouthwash for good measure, and proceed to the flute.

I tell you, this is not an easy instrument! The recorder and fife, at least that had some sort of logic. A scale goes up and down, up and down, as it normally does. But this one, there are all sorts of knicks and knacks, buttons and levers that I don’t understand — but every note, when you hit it right, is magic!

I didn’t realize this was the sound I was looking for, something breathy and rich and warm and furry, with a million colors in a note. (You know, there’s a chance I’d think similarly of the clarinet if I ever get to play one…)

Maybe it’s not about the flute — maybe I just never thought I would play anything else other than the piano my entire life. All my life, it had been a love-hate relationship with the piano, and then eventually the familiarity (but sometimes kind of dead-end feeling) with an old friend that you know would probably be your greatest, but last. I thought that any other stage after kindergarten was already too late to learn a musical instrument. And it just feels so good to know that I was wrong.

Then, in seven days, I’ll be back to dreaming about flutes and clarinets and oboes instead of playing one of them. I would probably dream of tenor saxs, too, and french horns and tubas and trombones, if my current dreams weren’t silly enough!

MishMash of Things

1. My cousin Pam got married the other day! It was great not only because I’m happy for my cousin, but because it was a mini-reunion for us other cousins. We used to see each other every Christmas, but in recent years we haven’t exactly stuck to that. Maybe it was the death of my lola, maybe it was just the distance that bore into us, maybe whatever it was, just wasn’t a good enough excuse. So since the last Christmas that we saw each other, it’s been maybe 4 or 5 years of growing up in between. There was so much news to pass back and forth, just trying to update each other, and becoming friends in the way older people try to be friends, which is different from kids who resented being thrown together in a mosh pit while the grown-ups talk and do business. Anyway. It was fun, and we will definitely be coming back on Christmas.

2. I’ve just finished arranging Crown Him with Many Crowns for 3-part recorder/fife, and now I’ve begun with My Hope is Built on Nothing Less. It’s fun! But I think I’m approaching a mental dryness. Time to recharge! More sugar!

3. Looking forward to vacation with the family in May! Finally, it’s gonna push through — that is, if no one gets an appendectomy or any other similar fund-draining mishap.

4. Also looking forward to the UP Christian Mass Communicators’ (Christmass) reunion in February! I hope more people will come.

5.  I’m thinking about learning the Clarinet or the Flute. Let’s see where the Lord leads! I’m getting excited just thinking about all the squeaking I’ll make (and hopefully music, too).

Fife

My newfound hobby is playing the Fife. It’s fun! We’re starting an ensemble at church, with Nikki arranging our notes (for three voices). We now have "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee" and "O For A Thousand Tongues to Sing." I also tried arranging one (successfully, I hope): "Come Christians Join to Sing" — it’s not easy. I’ve been reading notes for the better part of my life, but writing them is a whole differeng thing! But I finally finished it, after a lot of pencil marks and eraser scratches on my old and worn-out music sheet, and recorded the three-part song using Audacity. It lets you record different tracks while listening to your previously recorded one, so I was able to play along with myself, and thus record everything with some semblance of harmony. hehehe

Masaya!

Ikakasal ka naaaa…

Ikakasal na ang aming beloved Ate Jones sa Sabado. Bukas (bale mamaya, dahil Biyernes na pala), tutungo na kami sa Batangas. Pagdating namin doon, deretso orientation, rehearsal, band practice, at lahat-lahat na. Kami ang invitation-maker, wedding coordinator, singer, pianist, sound technician, at malamang ay reception emcees din. In other words, kami ang equivalent ng iyong friendly neighborhood Von Trapp family sa kasalang gaganapin sa Sabado.

Or you could just simply say na panganay namin ang ikakasal, which would be truer. Else why should I be awake at this time printing copies of the program and practising love songs on the piano? And feeling nostalgic as I check each printout, and familiarize my fingers with every note.

Sabi nga ni Kuya Iggy, magdala daw ng isang katerbang tisyu dahil kakailanganin namin. Malamang tama siya.

Maligayang Pasko!

"For God did not send the Son into the world in order to judge (to reject, to condemn, to pass sentence on) the world, but that the world might find salvation and be made safe & sound through Him." (John 3:17)

Beyond the hustle and bustle, may we remember the reason for all our celebration: salvatn came to us through Christ on that first Christmas.

Maligayang Pasko sa buong world wide web!

2006 coming up

I feel as though I’m at a crossroads. Next year, it will be one road or the other, but not both.

Wherever the road goes Lord, I will only start the journey if You’re leading the way.

ABC Survey

Maki-survey na! Got this from Moks.

A - Age: 26
B - Band Listening To Right Now: Christmas music by the Brentwood Jazz band
C - Career: Coffee-taster
D - Drink or Smoke: Turn away from the old self
E - Easiest Friends To Talk To: Micah, Ethel, my sister
F - Favorite Song/s at the moment: Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Di ako kumakain niyan, mahal yan
H - Have a Girlfriend: Wala, boypren meron.
I - In love: Oh yes, praise God
J - Junk Food You Like: Not picky, as long as it’s of the sour cream and onion variety, or cheese, or Boy Bawang!
K - Kids: Someday. Sampu daw. I’m just following orders.
L - Longest Ride Ever: commute to Majayjay Falls
M - My Favorite Sports: volleyball (is walking a sport? if it is, yun.)
N - Names For Your Future Kids: Well, there will be ten of them so I better start thinking now!
O - One Wish You Have Now: Get a visa, darnit!
P - Phobias: Attending weddings alone
Q - Favorite Quote: “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on You.” - Jehoshaphath
R - Reasons To Smile: God’s moment-to-moment grace, good health, the things I see when I walk around the metro
S - Sleeping Hours: around 12 mn-7am
T - Time You Woke Up: today - 8 am
U - Unknown Fact About You: today I have pink toenails for the first time in my life
V - Vegetable You Hate: can’t think of any, siguro labanos
W - Worst Habit: alam ni God
X - X-rays You’ve Had: you know, I actually had my toe x-rayed at St. Luke’s ER when it died!
Y - Yummy Foods: tinapay pa rin talaga ang paborito ko!
Z - Zodiac Sign: No thanks

Birthday pangs

It’s officially my birthday, I’m officially closer to thirty than I was to twenty (since 25 minutes ago), and I can now officially whine about it.

For the very first time in my life, I suddenly feel like there might be some chance that I’m getting old. Maybe there’s true to that myth I hear about: that you age every year. I also find myself suddenly entertaining thoughts out of nowhere, such as: maybe it’s time to grow up.

How odd!

Oh yes. I just re-read my entry Wishlist, and realized that no matter how many Wishlists I come up with, I wouldn’t really want those things on my Wishlist to be my actual gifts. I always liked surprises, and it always turns out that those that surprised me were the ones I really wanted but never thought of. When you stop thinking of things in terms of need and monetary value, you start to see the creative, the thoughtful, the heartfelt, and ultimately the heartwarming.

Full Cup Opening

 

To buy or not to buy

I was a bit early today for a CG meeting at SM San Lazaro. It was my first time there, so as usual, I hit the most familiar place that any mall has for me: National Bookstore. I’ve been reading State of Fear (by Michael Crichton) for some time now at different National Bookstores, and I’m kinda getting into it now.

As usual, National Bookstore was so disorganized that I had to ask where I could find Michael Crichton’s books (or maybe I was the one who was disorganized). When I found the State of Fear, I saw that all of them, soft and hardbound alike, were wrapped in plastic. By this time I was starting to think I should just abandon the whole idea and grab a chair at Goldilocks and just wait for my friends.

This was when I realized I was starting to really like the book. So I asked one of the salesladies if I could get an unwrapped book, knowing that the answer would be that there was none, and there really was none. So I asked if I could open the one I was holding, feeling that the answer would be a sharp no, but she said I could!

Having overcome this feat, I felt fearless. I unwrapped my book and sat on the floor of the dictionary and classics section (which of course didn’t have much traffic) and read my book. I almost didn’t want to leave my spot, but I got a text message half an hour later; my friends were already there.

Now here I am, typing this all up, thinking seriously for the first time whether or not I should just go ahead and buy the darn book. But I still think it’s not worth the P350 I’d pay for it. I’d rather buy another book, one that I would love to read over slowly, again and again, until I hear the music that is in those beautiful words, in the comfort of the rocking chair at home.

So no, I won’t buy this book. But I gotta admit I love reading it